I try my best to stick to talking about issues that directly affect black women on this blog. This particular issue, while it may concern men and boys, does affect black women to a significant degree. The topic I want to talk about is the coddling of black boys and men by their mothers and sisters.

Out of all the black men I know under the age of 50, only ONE of them is self-sufficient. Just one. This is not an accident. This is an epidemic that is created and continued by black mothers and to a degree sisters of black men.

Yes, every person is responsible for their own lives. But the problem in the black community is that to a high degree boys and men are not held responsible by the mothers that have to raise them. They lack motivation because it's not required of them.

Boys are continually coddled in the black community while girls are raised.

I've really thought about this. Is it really a coincidence that in most black households, the girls work hard and the boys don't?

The boys jump from woman to woman and stay with their mothers well into middle age. They're too comfortable. They have no motivation to get out there and take action the way that their sisters do. Many of them have been taught that it is normal for a woman to work, but men don't have to.

I realized recently that the one black male that I know of who is long-term self-sufficient left to join the military when he was 18. He was also raised by a hard working black man, though their relationship was contentious. He did not live for any period of time with just a woman as his role model. 

The older black men I know, over the age of 55 or 60, all work hard. Why? Because they had no other choice. They were held accountable by the men around them and were taught "if you don't work you don't eat."

Boys and Men Lose When They're Coddled
While I get that most single mothers of today do not have a choice in whether they have help raising a child, they do have a choice in how they choose to deal with their sons. They are not helping black boys when they coddle them--they're hurting them. Countless black men are on the streets and homeless today because of the laziness and complacency created by and nurtured by their mothers.

Examples of coddling:
- Giving him money when he refuses to work.
- Bailing him out whenever he gets into trouble, even when he's 100% wrong.
- Hugging and holding onto him too much, like a child.
- Letting him use your resources (car, phone, etc) unlimited.
- Buying him all the food, toys he wants.

When you do these things, this grown person does not have any motivation to get those things on his own. No motivation to make any positive changes.

If you really love and care about your son, you would not coddle him. You would hold him accountable and make him make a life for himself. On his own. As early in life as possible. Just as you do to your daughters.

Independent Black Man
Black women, and all women for that matter, have to understand that their sons are not their boyfriends, mates, or friends. They are your progeny and it's your responsibility to help them be independent. Men should not be living dependent on women past the age of 18. They also should not be comfortable living with their sisters and girlfriends while not working.

Once more, black women, you're hurting not helping the black men in your life when you coddle them. Tough love is the best kind of love, and they will thank you for it one day.

Mothers, sisters, please stop coddling and making excuses for black men. Make them stand on their own two feet.

CBL


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Some time ago I wrote a post about black rappers and their formula for "success." Since that time a number of black rappers who continuously follow that simple minded formula have taken a dive in sales. Fuck them. Cardi B is beating you all for a reason. Do better.

Today I had a thought to write about a few other black media sources who I believe are destroying and spoiling black culture daily, just so that they can make as many coins as possible. One day I believe the young people of today who love these black media sources will have to admit that they were a part of the overall decline of the quality of black culture in the United States. This list will probably grow over time, but here are a few that come to mind:

Bossip
This is a black celebrity gossip site, run mostly by black people I presume, that posts garbage about celebrities daily. They pride themselves on writing provocative headlines as click bait (Celebrity X Smashes Celebrity Ys cakes to smithereens." They're mostly a source of fake news ala Donald Trump because they don't need to have proof of their stories on order to post them. The site is a cesspool of stupid information that doesn't really matter, keeping the minds of young people hostage to nonsense about so-called celebrities and twisted news stories.

World Star Hip Hop
I was watching a show recently that highlighted just how silly kids of today look when they all pull out their phones to record a situation rather than intervene in real life. One of the reasons why young people do this is a site called World Star Hip Hop. They feel they can get famous somehow from recording fuckery as it happens, namely fights. This is a sign of a person's character. Each person behind that camera recording as other people are either in distress or in a bad argument is a COWARD. Cowards should not ever be celebrated. World Star Hip Hop is a site for and by cowards. 

Mona Scott and Crew
Mona Scott is the mastermind behind the Love and Hip Hop and Basketball Wives television franchises. And she's very proud of that. If there was ever a black woman on the planet who was most like Donald Trump, Mona is probably it. She will publish anything for a buck, even if it bends and contorts the minds of very young people. 5 year olds are watching these shows at this point. They're learning young how to fight with their siblings and friends. They're learning how to "read" people, which I'm so sure will bode well for them when they try to get a job in the future. Black people are already divided and struggling with PTSD that goes back to slavery. Putting a bunch of desperate, cash strapped, mentally ill people together on a television show for ratings so that they can fight it out surely isn't going to help anything.

The Breakfast Club (To an Extent)
I hesitated to put this on the list because I do believe The Breakfast Club has its merits. They talk about issues that young people need to talk about, including mental health, love, relationships, social justice, and working for a living. I only have one issue, and that is how they report the news. I have listened to this show on several occasions and frequently hear them mix serious news stories with nonsense "news." In one instance, they reported that wildfires were killing people in California then a second later reported that black emojis were now available! This type of news reporting desensitizes people, especially young people, and can't be tolerated.

Instagram Celebrities
Everytime I hear that a supposed o be grown celebrity is posting a "rant" on Instagram it makes me want to scream like Michael Jackson. Here you have 30, 40, sometimes 50 year old people Instagram fighting. They post these long drawn out paragraphs with poor grammar, threats, silly sayings, and a thousand hashtags. Seriously, do an age check. Just how grown are you? What are you showing your children? I know that social media makes you THINK you're in middle school but you're actually just having a midlife crisis!

10 or 20 years from now who knows what black culture in the US will be like. These people are going to keep on with their desperate money grab for as long as they can, meanwhile the children suffer. God help us and future generations.

CBL


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I was watching an episode of Golden Girls late one night. It is entitled The Housekeeper. In it the girls hire a sassy black woman housekeeper to tidy up their home. She has all sorts of unconventional ways and traditions. When she does a bad job at housekeeping and they fire her they start to get all sorts of bad luck. They believe she's cast a spell on them for letting her go.

This episode of Golden Girls made me think of how many people from that period in the 1980s may have watched this episode and decided that having a black housekeeper wasn't the best idea. Up until this episode, I can't remember one black woman being cast in the show.

People really take what they see on television and in movies seriously. It's kind of unnerving.

I was watching an interview with the cast members of Power on STARZ and they talked about this. They said their real lives are being affected by the show. People really think that they are the characters in the television show. They have forgotten that they are actors and actresses getting a paycheck.

I'm starting to wonder if people are really losing their minds to the point where they can't separate a working human being from an actor or show writer. Celebrity obsession?

Hello people. Television shows and movies are written by everyday people who got an opportunity. The concepts for the shows come from the *imagination* they are not real. 

Maybe people are having a hard time distinguishing fantasy from reality because of the popularity of reality shows. They really think that the characters on TV shows are experiencing these real life dramas when they are just heavily scripted.

I love a good television series or movie just like the next person for inspiration, but I refuse to become so involved in a show that I can't distinguish fantasy from reality.

CBL


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Older people need to let younger people have a chance to shine.

Plastic surgery and similar treatments that help keep older people look young have their benefits. But the desire to stay young (no matter what) has had an effect on our society that a lot of people don't recognize off the bat.

Older people don't want to allow younger people a chance to thrive. A chance that they *should* have.

Because the older generations continue to clutch desperately to their youths, they don't leave enough room or opportunity for *actual* young people to do what they did.

Entertainers Who Can't Let Go of the Spotlight 
Think about it. The majority of entertainers in the limelight today were seriously supposed to retire years ago. Back in the day, once you exited your 20s you handed the baton to other talented folks so that they could do their thing. 

But not anymore. Now you have people who had their moment 10, 20 or even 30 years ago still clutching to fame and trying to stay relevant. As an example, I'll casually point to a certain rapper who was supposed to have retired over 10 years ago, but has recently released a highly publicized audiobook-style rap album in his circa-50s.

I understand why they do it. No one wants to be relegated to irrelevancy -- especially after so many years of being praised and uplifted by fans. But at some point you need to allow NEW people a chance to do what you did. That's what cultural progression is all about.

I'll give a great example in the music world. New Edition sat down, probably mostly out of necessity, and they allowed groups like Boyz 2 Men, Jodeci and 112 to step in. They became amazingly popular groups in the 90s but if New Edition would have stubbornly held onto the spotlight no matter what, we never would have had that magic 90s groups brought to us. And because they did it the right way, we have a chance now to pay *proper* reverence to New Edition and what they brought to the culture. Many fans are eager to see them perform today no matter how old they are.

Another example is Whitney Houston. Again, I don't know if her stepping aside was a natural progression or due to her personal issues. But when she did, it paved the way for Mariah Carey, SWV, Aaliyah, Lauryn Hill and others to have some shine.

Madonna was a huge deal when I was a child, but if she had continued to selfishly hog the spotlight we would have never seen the Avril Lavignes, Alanis Morrissettes and Pinks of that genre.

I'm sure Kool G Rap, Rakim, Run DMC, Roxanne and Salt N Pepa would have liked to stay in the limelight, but thankfully they allowed the Nas', Tupacs and Lil Kim's to have their moments.

Old Side Chicks 
An example from everyday life: old ass side chicks. You're approaching 40 or 50, but because you got a few butt shots and a weave you still want to try to steal a younger woman's husband/baby's father. At some point, either have enough respect for yourself to get your mind right and find a decent guy of your own OR just let that young woman have some peace of mind and a chance to strengthen her family. 

Older people have to know when to hang it up and let young people have their moments. You had your turn. Let something new have a chance to blossom.

If you want to remain relevant, be there for a younger person as a support system and guide them to greatness. Mentor them and help them do better.

CBL 



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Designer babies on display for likes and tweets? Has the whole world gone crazy or just a large portion? 

I honestly can't stand social media for a number of reasons but I still use it to stay up to date with what's going on in the world. Unfortunately it exposes us to every bit of information we may not need to know, including annoying celebrity news and the newest F-up by 45.

The last "big celeb news" I saw on Twitter was a baby announcement from one of the most shameless celebs. 

Now look. No longer is a baby announcement made with a simple smiling photo holding the beautiful bundle of joy. No. That's too "basic."

In this particular photo, your eyes are assaulted with an explosion of flowers and pastel colors. It looks like Ms. Spring from American gods had an orgasm. You have to look extra close to even notice the two babies in the photo (who are supposed to be the ones featured right?).

Of course the young dumb ones went absolutely crazy over this whole display. (Ohmagaaaaaaaaa). And the media is having a fit mentioning it every chance they get. 

But meanwhile, I'm sitting here quietly, sipping my Chocolate frosty, wondering if the whole world has gone mad. Or is it just me?? 

They are now using BABIES as accessories?? REALLY? Babies? And this is cool? This is okay?

Now there's a competition for celebrities to have a pair of babies IN VITRO and then use them for decoration and marketing. WTF!

Thoughts About In Vitro
Let's get off the topic of celebrities for a moment to talk about the more concerning issue. In vitro fertilization is what's really becoming the new wave. Mother Nature said "no" but these women intent on birthing new babies are saying "eff that" and having them by any means necessary. The in vitro process often leads to the creation of not just one new life but MULTIPLE children. Remember Octo Mom?

We already have a population problem in this world, and loads of kids who are up for adoption, but that's just not on the radar of wealthy people and celebs these days. They are so rabidly narcissistic that they just HAVE to bring a new image of themselves into this world. Or four. Or five. Or 10.

At the moment, we have no real idea if this in vitro process has long term effects on the children -- what it could mean for their health and wellbeing in the future. Not to mention, we don't know what their place will be in this world if it becomes even more vastly overpopulated because of their narcissistic parents. We're already feeling the effects of climate change and ice bergs the size of countries are breaking off into the ocean. Not to mention the mental and behavioral disorders that young kids are popping up with already. 

What are these children facing in the future? They are completely at the mercy of their narcissistic parents who conceive them in vitro for selfish reasons (to post on Facebook and brag to their friends).

I don't know y'all... tell me... am I the only one who sees the flaws in all of this nonsense? Now we have "designer babies" on display by their narcissistic parents - where is the line? Is there a line anymore?? Holla if you hear me.

CBL




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Being a fan of someone is normal, but there is something dangerous when we elevate a mere mortal to the status of a "God."

It happens every few years or so, sometimes more frequently. Beyonce releases a song or video and black women collectively lose their minds. It's quite a sight to witness as someone who's a casual listener of her music.

I think that Beyonce is very talented at singing and dancing, but no more so than any other major entertainer of the 20th or 21st century. But for some reason, black women seem hell bent on elevating her to the status of a God; an untouchable.

These black women, and to a much lesser degree black men, are now officially worshipping this woman and holding her to a God-like status. They don't even talk about and defend GOD this much. It's a disturbing sight to behold -- am I the only one who notices the dysfunction in this? I get low self-esteem vibes when anyone spends more time uplifting a celebrity than they do focusing on themselves. 

And it's not just the fringes of black women who are doing this. It is women that we're supposed to look up to, including Michelle Obama (who made a point to mention in an interview that she hopes Beyonce likes what she's wearing) and well-read cultural critics who work for black magazines. These are people who we are SUPPOSED to respect, look up to and look to for answers, acting like pimply-faced teenaged fans. 

It's gotten to the point where you can't even make a contrary remark about this woman (yes, she's still just a WOMAN who happens to have a talent for singing and dancing) without someone trying to jump down your throat.

I saw a post from a black man who took a picture of his young dark-skinned black daughter watching the Beyonce performance. He commented that "this is so important" for her to see. Really? You want your daughter to grow up aspiring to be one of Beyonce's backup singers? Check the imagery in the photo -- here's the one light skinned woman with a long blonde weave leading a "pack" of militant dark skinned woman with Afros. Do you want your daughter to be a follower, a "stan" or a leader? Or do you want your daughter to aspire to look like Beyonce? Because I can guarantee you that no one really cares about the Afro wearing black women in the background in the grand scheme of things -- they are merely props.

She's a Business, Man
I wonder if anyone else with some good sense has noticed that Beyonce is a master at collecting other people's money. She's not in this to support movements (shout out to Black Lives Matter) -- she's in this for two main reasons a) to get ALL the attention like most celebrity narcissists and b) to collect all your coins. She and her people are very strategic about what they do. They've hit the jackpot getting Superbowl attention because it's right around tax time when a lot of people are "hood rich." By May they will be begging and borrowing again after spending all of their money on meaningless things -- including Beyonce concert tickets and Red Lobster meals for their men who are "fucking them right." Beyonce and Jay Z will be many tens of millions of dollars richer, living in their comfy, protected fantasy world that most of their fans will never get to experience.

Do you think that Beyonce would do any of this if it didn't mean she'd be collecting many millions of your dollars? There's nothing wrong with getting money, I definitely encourage it! But when black women are holding this woman up as a cultural ICON, a GOD of black women who is trying to lead us to salvation, a reminder is needed. She is, first and foremost, a BUSINESS woman who is a master of propaganda, imagery and transferring your $$ into her bank account by any means necessary. Her husband as well. 

Yes, Some White People Are Annoying But Some of You Are You're Acting Like Them...
It is very annoying to read the predictable commentary from white people who say "why weren't we included in the performance, racism" and "well, Beyonce hates the police." But there is a lesson to learn from them -- these are people who are completely brainwashed in their ideology. Everything is a fight to defend their ideology, the police (no matter what they do) and by default white supremacy. They don't think critically. These are the Trump supporters who hold onto every word he says like it's gospel. I don't know how it happened, but he successfully used propaganda to elevate himself to a God-like status with these brainwashed people. It's almost cult-like.

Don't be like these weird people -- please don't get so caught up in the ideology of "standom" for celebrities that you can't think critically anymore. It's dangerous.
 
There's an actual psychological diagnosis called Celebrity Worship Syndrome (CWS) and I think an inordinate number of black women have the mild or moderate form of this disorder when it comes to Beyonce, Rihanna and Nicki Minaj. It's an OBSESSIVE ADDICTIVE disorder -- this is real y'all. Psychologists say that it's a replacement for real healthy relationships. Read more about CWS here --- > http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-176598/Do-worship-celebs.html

Can Anybody Hear Me
I stopped posting on this blog because I don't think anyone really "hears me," even though when I check the statistics I actually do have a good number of readers. My last post was supposed to be my last, but I'm posting this today because I feel it REALLY REALLY needs to be said, not by a white critic at a magazine or white feminist, but by someone who understands the struggles and complications of black womanhood. Someone who has been in the trenches, demanding respect and acknowledgement for black women for years. Someone who is concerned for the mental health and future of black women and girls.

I'm posting this because even if no one "hears" me today, at least I spoke up and said something. I think a lot of young black women are going to wake up one day and regret the amount of time and cash they wasted on celebrities, and posting hour after hour on social media.

I've been a black woman for over 30 years, so one thing you definitely won't tell me is who I should look up to, "worship" or regard as a black woman. I don't look up to Beyonce, or any of these modern day narcissistic celebrities that fight for the limelight, and anyone who doesn't like that will have to deal.

On that same note, I clearly don't have the right to tell you how to be a black woman. I would just ask that you think your way critically through life. Love who you want, be a fan of who you like, but please don't get completely brainwashed into becoming a lock stepper who so willingly elevates a HIGHLY FLAWED human being (like you and me) to a God-like status. 

Love CBL




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I heard about #SandraBland by chance after seeing her hashtag show up on my timeline. It took days for it to even trend because people were too busy talking about their usual nonsense on Twitter. At the time of this posting, they are still awaiting autopsy reports to find out what really happened to her. After examining the various stories related to this case, there are a few nagging questions that have been on my mind about Sandra Bland -- a sister that needed help and didn't get it at any turn. 

1) Where were her friends and family?

I may be wrong, but from reading the many reports of what happened, Sandra didn't seem to have anyone visiting or responding to her while she was in jail for 3 days.

When she called her friend, she got voicemail. When she learned that she had to put up a $500 bond, she only had $100. No one she knew, not a family member, friend or soror could wire her the other $400 she needed to get free from that situation? Why didn't anyone go visit her to see to her condition after she was brutalized by that officer?

2) Why Is the Police Releasing Her Mental History to the Public?

Doesn't that fall under HIPAA? Why is it necessary that the public knows her answers to a mental checkup before they know autopsy reports? Why is it the worlds business that she lost a baby and her godmother recently?

You see, this is why many people, particularly women, and even more particularly black women, don't tell anyone that they are struggling with mental illness. Because if you go through one tragedy or hard time they will just call you CRAZY or suicidal if something goes down. You get written off as if you deserved what happened to you.

3) What If She Was Menstruating?

Women have unique biological issues that men do not. Who's to say that Sandra Bland wasn't menstruating at the time that officer pulled her over? This is purely hypothetical. I thought of this because I have had situations of completely losing my cool at that time of the month. I bring this question up because this is yet another reason why you don't manhandle a woman, berate her like a man or bait her into an argument.

Who's to say this sister didn't have problems with heavy bleeding, fibroids or another issue, already having a bad day, and then this guy tricks her into getting pulled over. Having PMS can affect your mood or reaction to just about anyone or anything that happens to you. Then imagine getting slammed, abused, assaulted and jailed while on or right before your period. 

4) What's the Official Charge for "Back Talking" or Questioning a Police Officer?

As citizens we all need clarification about our rights when it comes to questioning a police officer. What can you be charged with if you question an order that doesn't sound right or lawful? Or is this only a problem when black people do it? 

There are a number of Youtube videos showing white men "exercising their constitutional rights" by back talking and challenging police officers. One guy had an outstanding arrest warrant and no driver's license--the officer politely gave him a warning, said "have a good day." 

5) What Was She Going Through?

The story of Sandra Bland hanging herself doesn't add up, not one bit. She reportedly hung herself using a flimsy garbage bag from a 5' shower rod though she's 6' tall. However, I wouldn't be surprised if she was at the end of the line mentally at that point. 

This question doesn't really have so much to do with Sandra's death, but just what many black women go through in general. Being stereotyped, shunned, abandoned, mistreated, abused and neglected in so many ways. You're driving along, alone, minding your lawful business one day, and end up in jail on a ghost charge, probably missing your first day of work after being assaulted and slammed to the ground by a racist cop. Let's be clear, Sandra didn't do anything that wasn't within her rights that day. She spoke her mind, that was her only "crime"--being a vocal black woman.

I think of what may have been going through Sandra's mind. Feeling so alone in that cold jail cell, surrounded by mostly racist officers, who were probably talking down to her and no one was there for moral support? She must have really done some major soul searching.

I am sad about what happened to Sandra Bland, no matter the exact cause of death. I pray that her soul is in a good place flying free. Rest in power sis, your name won't be forgotten.

Last Post
After this latest mentally draining story, I've decided that it may be time to retire ClassyBlackLady.com . It's because I feel that it's served it's initial purpose--to defend and support black women, who were being unfairly attacked when Mrs. Obama became our First Lady in 2008. I also feel sometimes that I'm writing into the wind, with no one really hearing or appreciating my words, yet I'm putting out a lot of energy. My energy is precious and I have to preserve it more.

From now on if new posts do come through, they will be positive stories and news about black women, or just passing on the word.

Get FREE 
If I could give a word of advice to black women, it would be TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF. Don't let anyone, your family, friends, a man or anyone hold you in chains. Do what you want to do in this life. Because when it comes down to it, you're the only one who really "got you."

If you want to move to Costa Rica and eat coconuts at the beach, DO IT. 

If you want to quit your job and play a guitar in Penn Station, DO IT.

If you want to start your own business selling handmade soaps at fairs around the country, DO IT.

If you feel that you're in financial chains, get free however you can. By any means necessary. Don't worry about what others will think of you because of your choices, get FREE.

If deep down you don't think this country is the best place for you, travel to find a place that is, and make a 3-5 year plan to get out. 

Follow your heart and intuition. 
I love you!

CBL




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