I try my best to stick to talking about issues that directly affect black women on this blog. This particular issue, while it may concern men and boys, does affect black women to a significant degree. The topic I want to talk about is the coddling of black boys and men by their mothers and sisters.

Out of all the black men I know under the age of 50, only ONE of them is self-sufficient. Just one. This is not an accident. This is an epidemic that is created and continued by black mothers and to a degree sisters of black men.

Yes, every person is responsible for their own lives. But the problem in the black community is that to a high degree boys and men are not held responsible by the mothers that have to raise them. They lack motivation because it's not required of them.

Boys are continually coddled in the black community while girls are raised.

I've really thought about this. Is it really a coincidence that in most black households, the girls work hard and the boys don't?

The boys jump from woman to woman and stay with their mothers well into middle age. They're too comfortable. They have no motivation to get out there and take action the way that their sisters do. Many of them have been taught that it is normal for a woman to work, but men don't have to.

I realized recently that the one black male that I know of who is long-term self-sufficient left to join the military when he was 18. He was also raised by a hard working black man, though their relationship was contentious. He did not live for any period of time with just a woman as his role model. 

The older black men I know, over the age of 55 or 60, all work hard. Why? Because they had no other choice. They were held accountable by the men around them and were taught "if you don't work you don't eat."

Boys and Men Lose When They're Coddled
While I get that most single mothers of today do not have a choice in whether they have help raising a child, they do have a choice in how they choose to deal with their sons. They are not helping black boys when they coddle them--they're hurting them. Countless black men are on the streets and homeless today because of the laziness and complacency created by and nurtured by their mothers.

Examples of coddling:
- Giving him money when he refuses to work.
- Bailing him out whenever he gets into trouble, even when he's 100% wrong.
- Hugging and holding onto him too much, like a child.
- Letting him use your resources (car, phone, etc) unlimited.
- Buying him all the food, toys he wants.

When you do these things, this grown person does not have any motivation to get those things on his own. No motivation to make any positive changes.

If you really love and care about your son, you would not coddle him. You would hold him accountable and make him make a life for himself. On his own. As early in life as possible. Just as you do to your daughters.

Independent Black Man
Black women, and all women for that matter, have to understand that their sons are not their boyfriends, mates, or friends. They are your progeny and it's your responsibility to help them be independent. Men should not be living dependent on women past the age of 18. They also should not be comfortable living with their sisters and girlfriends while not working.

Once more, black women, you're hurting not helping the black men in your life when you coddle them. Tough love is the best kind of love, and they will thank you for it one day.

Mothers, sisters, please stop coddling and making excuses for black men. Make them stand on their own two feet.


Links to this post
Some time ago I wrote a post about black rappers and their formula for "success." Since that time a number of black rappers who continuously follow that simple minded formula have taken a dive in sales. Fuck them. Cardi B is beating you all for a reason. Do better.

Today I had a thought to write about a few other black media sources who I believe are destroying and spoiling black culture daily, just so that they can make as many coins as possible. One day I believe the young people of today who love these black media sources will have to admit that they were a part of the overall decline of the quality of black culture in the United States. This list will probably grow over time, but here are a few that come to mind:

This is a black celebrity gossip site, run mostly by black people I presume, that posts garbage about celebrities daily. They pride themselves on writing provocative headlines as click bait (Celebrity X Smashes Celebrity Ys cakes to smithereens." They're mostly a source of fake news ala Donald Trump because they don't need to have proof of their stories on order to post them. The site is a cesspool of stupid information that doesn't really matter, keeping the minds of young people hostage to nonsense about so-called celebrities and twisted news stories.

World Star Hip Hop
I was watching a show recently that highlighted just how silly kids of today look when they all pull out their phones to record a situation rather than intervene in real life. One of the reasons why young people do this is a site called World Star Hip Hop. They feel they can get famous somehow from recording fuckery as it happens, namely fights. This is a sign of a person's character. Each person behind that camera recording as other people are either in distress or in a bad argument is a COWARD. Cowards should not ever be celebrated. World Star Hip Hop is a site for and by cowards. 

Mona Scott and Crew
Mona Scott is the mastermind behind the Love and Hip Hop and Basketball Wives television franchises. And she's very proud of that. If there was ever a black woman on the planet who was most like Donald Trump, Mona is probably it. She will publish anything for a buck, even if it bends and contorts the minds of very young people. 5 year olds are watching these shows at this point. They're learning young how to fight with their siblings and friends. They're learning how to "read" people, which I'm so sure will bode well for them when they try to get a job in the future. Black people are already divided and struggling with PTSD that goes back to slavery. Putting a bunch of desperate, cash strapped, mentally ill people together on a television show for ratings so that they can fight it out surely isn't going to help anything.

The Breakfast Club (To an Extent)
I hesitated to put this on the list because I do believe The Breakfast Club has its merits. They talk about issues that young people need to talk about, including mental health, love, relationships, social justice, and working for a living. I only have one issue, and that is how they report the news. I have listened to this show on several occasions and frequently hear them mix serious news stories with nonsense "news." In one instance, they reported that wildfires were killing people in California then a second later reported that black emojis were now available! This type of news reporting desensitizes people, especially young people, and can't be tolerated.

Instagram Celebrities
Everytime I hear that a supposed o be grown celebrity is posting a "rant" on Instagram it makes me want to scream like Michael Jackson. Here you have 30, 40, sometimes 50 year old people Instagram fighting. They post these long drawn out paragraphs with poor grammar, threats, silly sayings, and a thousand hashtags. Seriously, do an age check. Just how grown are you? What are you showing your children? I know that social media makes you THINK you're in middle school but you're actually just having a midlife crisis!

10 or 20 years from now who knows what black culture in the US will be like. These people are going to keep on with their desperate money grab for as long as they can, meanwhile the children suffer. God help us and future generations.


Links to this post
I was watching an episode of Golden Girls late one night. It is entitled The Housekeeper. In it the girls hire a sassy black woman housekeeper to tidy up their home. She has all sorts of unconventional ways and traditions. When she does a bad job at housekeeping and they fire her they start to get all sorts of bad luck. They believe she's cast a spell on them for letting her go.

This episode of Golden Girls made me think of how many people from that period in the 1980s may have watched this episode and decided that having a black housekeeper wasn't the best idea. Up until this episode, I can't remember one black woman being cast in the show.

People really take what they see on television and in movies seriously. It's kind of unnerving.

I was watching an interview with the cast members of Power on STARZ and they talked about this. They said their real lives are being affected by the show. People really think that they are the characters in the television show. They have forgotten that they are actors and actresses getting a paycheck.

I'm starting to wonder if people are really losing their minds to the point where they can't separate a working human being from an actor or show writer. Celebrity obsession?

Hello people. Television shows and movies are written by everyday people who got an opportunity. The concepts for the shows come from the *imagination* they are not real. 

Maybe people are having a hard time distinguishing fantasy from reality because of the popularity of reality shows. They really think that the characters on TV shows are experiencing these real life dramas when they are just heavily scripted.

I love a good television series or movie just like the next person for inspiration, but I refuse to become so involved in a show that I can't distinguish fantasy from reality.


Links to this post

Older people need to let younger people have a chance to shine.

Plastic surgery and similar treatments that help keep older people look young have their benefits. But the desire to stay young (no matter what) has had an effect on our society that a lot of people don't recognize off the bat.

Older people don't want to allow younger people a chance to thrive. A chance that they *should* have.

Because the older generations continue to clutch desperately to their youths, they don't leave enough room or opportunity for *actual* young people to do what they did.

Entertainers Who Can't Let Go of the Spotlight 
Think about it. The majority of entertainers in the limelight today were seriously supposed to retire years ago. Back in the day, once you exited your 20s you handed the baton to other talented folks so that they could do their thing. 

But not anymore. Now you have people who had their moment 10, 20 or even 30 years ago still clutching to fame and trying to stay relevant. As an example, I'll casually point to a certain rapper who was supposed to have retired over 10 years ago, but has recently released a highly publicized audiobook-style rap album in his circa-50s.

I understand why they do it. No one wants to be relegated to irrelevancy -- especially after so many years of being praised and uplifted by fans. But at some point you need to allow NEW people a chance to do what you did. That's what cultural progression is all about.

I'll give a great example in the music world. New Edition sat down, probably mostly out of necessity, and they allowed groups like Boyz 2 Men, Jodeci and 112 to step in. They became amazingly popular groups in the 90s but if New Edition would have stubbornly held onto the spotlight no matter what, we never would have had that magic 90s groups brought to us. And because they did it the right way, we have a chance now to pay *proper* reverence to New Edition and what they brought to the culture. Many fans are eager to see them perform today no matter how old they are.

Another example is Whitney Houston. Again, I don't know if her stepping aside was a natural progression or due to her personal issues. But when she did, it paved the way for Mariah Carey, SWV, Aaliyah, Lauryn Hill and others to have some shine.

Madonna was a huge deal when I was a child, but if she had continued to selfishly hog the spotlight we would have never seen the Avril Lavignes, Alanis Morrissettes and Pinks of that genre.

I'm sure Kool G Rap, Rakim, Run DMC, Roxanne and Salt N Pepa would have liked to stay in the limelight, but thankfully they allowed the Nas', Tupacs and Lil Kim's to have their moments.

Old Side Chicks 
An example from everyday life: old ass side chicks. You're approaching 40 or 50, but because you got a few butt shots and a weave you still want to try to steal a younger woman's husband/baby's father. At some point, either have enough respect for yourself to get your mind right and find a decent guy of your own OR just let that young woman have some peace of mind and a chance to strengthen her family. 

Older people have to know when to hang it up and let young people have their moments. You had your turn. Let something new have a chance to blossom.

If you want to remain relevant, be there for a younger person as a support system and guide them to greatness. Mentor them and help them do better.


Links to this post

Designer babies on display for likes and tweets? Has the whole world gone crazy or just a large portion? 

I honestly can't stand social media for a number of reasons but I still use it to stay up to date with what's going on in the world. Unfortunately it exposes us to every bit of information we may not need to know, including annoying celebrity news and the newest F-up by 45.

The last "big celeb news" I saw on Twitter was a baby announcement from one of the most shameless celebs. 

Now look. No longer is a baby announcement made with a simple smiling photo holding the beautiful bundle of joy. No. That's too "basic."

In this particular photo, your eyes are assaulted with an explosion of flowers and pastel colors. It looks like Ms. Spring from American gods had an orgasm. You have to look extra close to even notice the two babies in the photo (who are supposed to be the ones featured right?).

Of course the young dumb ones went absolutely crazy over this whole display. (Ohmagaaaaaaaaa). And the media is having a fit mentioning it every chance they get. 

But meanwhile, I'm sitting here quietly, sipping my Chocolate frosty, wondering if the whole world has gone mad. Or is it just me?? 

They are now using BABIES as accessories?? REALLY? Babies? And this is cool? This is okay?

Now there's a competition for celebrities to have a pair of babies IN VITRO and then use them for decoration and marketing. WTF!

Thoughts About In Vitro
Let's get off the topic of celebrities for a moment to talk about the more concerning issue. In vitro fertilization is what's really becoming the new wave. Mother Nature said "no" but these women intent on birthing new babies are saying "eff that" and having them by any means necessary. The in vitro process often leads to the creation of not just one new life but MULTIPLE children. Remember Octo Mom?

We already have a population problem in this world, and loads of kids who are up for adoption, but that's just not on the radar of wealthy people and celebs these days. They are so rabidly narcissistic that they just HAVE to bring a new image of themselves into this world. Or four. Or five. Or 10.

At the moment, we have no real idea if this in vitro process has long term effects on the children -- what it could mean for their health and wellbeing in the future. Not to mention, we don't know what their place will be in this world if it becomes even more vastly overpopulated because of their narcissistic parents. We're already feeling the effects of climate change and ice bergs the size of countries are breaking off into the ocean. Not to mention the mental and behavioral disorders that young kids are popping up with already. 

What are these children facing in the future? They are completely at the mercy of their narcissistic parents who conceive them in vitro for selfish reasons (to post on Facebook and brag to their friends).

I don't know y'all... tell me... am I the only one who sees the flaws in all of this nonsense? Now we have "designer babies" on display by their narcissistic parents - where is the line? Is there a line anymore?? Holla if you hear me.


Links to this post