I try my best to stick to talking about issues that directly affect black women on this blog. This particular issue, while it may concern men and boys, does affect black women to a significant degree. The topic I want to talk about is the coddling of black boys and men by their mothers and sisters.

Out of all the black men I know under the age of 50, only ONE of them is self-sufficient. Just one. This is not an accident. This is an epidemic that is created and continued by black mothers and to a degree sisters of black men.

Yes, every person is responsible for their own lives. But the problem in the black community is that to a high degree boys and men are not held responsible by the mothers that have to raise them. They lack motivation because it's not required of them.

Boys are continually coddled in the black community while girls are raised.

I've really thought about this. Is it really a coincidence that in most black households, the girls work hard and the boys don't?

The boys jump from woman to woman and stay with their mothers well into middle age. They're too comfortable. They have no motivation to get out there and take action the way that their sisters do. Many of them have been taught that it is normal for a woman to work, but men don't have to.

I realized recently that the one black male that I know of who is long-term self-sufficient left to join the military when he was 18. He was also raised by a hard working black man, though their relationship was contentious. He did not live for any period of time with just a woman as his role model. 

The older black men I know, over the age of 55 or 60, all work hard. Why? Because they had no other choice. They were held accountable by the men around them and were taught "if you don't work you don't eat."

Boys and Men Lose When They're Coddled
While I get that most single mothers of today do not have a choice in whether they have help raising a child, they do have a choice in how they choose to deal with their sons. They are not helping black boys when they coddle them--they're hurting them. Countless black men are on the streets and homeless today because of the laziness and complacency created by and nurtured by their mothers.

Examples of coddling:
- Giving him money when he refuses to work.
- Bailing him out whenever he gets into trouble, even when he's 100% wrong.
- Hugging and holding onto him too much, like a child.
- Letting him use your resources (car, phone, etc) unlimited.
- Buying him all the food, toys he wants.

When you do these things, this grown person does not have any motivation to get those things on his own. No motivation to make any positive changes.

If you really love and care about your son, you would not coddle him. You would hold him accountable and make him make a life for himself. On his own. As early in life as possible. Just as you do to your daughters.

Independent Black Man
Black women, and all women for that matter, have to understand that their sons are not their boyfriends, mates, or friends. They are your progeny and it's your responsibility to help them be independent. Men should not be living dependent on women past the age of 18. They also should not be comfortable living with their sisters and girlfriends while not working.

Once more, black women, you're hurting not helping the black men in your life when you coddle them. Tough love is the best kind of love, and they will thank you for it one day.

Mothers, sisters, please stop coddling and making excuses for black men. Make them stand on their own two feet.

CBL


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